I have always been a perfectionist. It has been even more evident and challenging since I got married. Wanting to have the clothes and dishes always done. Wanting each meal to turn out perfectly and on time. Wanting the house to be perfectly decorated and cleaned. Wanting Billie's approval more than ever, even though I already have it. Despite having the most grateful and affirming husband, I still tend to self-induce pressure. And ultra-high expectations.
Despite a few melt downs (like the day I cried because I couldn't finish putting together the office desk, which I expected myself to do while Billie was working so I could surprise and impress him)... This time in our lives has been so sweet. Mostly because I've been challenged to keep "finding myself" in Jesus and what He thinks of me.
With the reminders to:
1. Take nothing too seriously in life except for Christ.
2. Ask Christ to help me place importance on the things HE values and let go of the rest.
3. See myself in light of who I am Christ and not seek that in my husbands affirmation or in being a great wife, cook, athlete, etc.
And when I'm in the place where I'm resting in HIM, remembering what HE thinks of me, my responses change. My defensiveness dissolves. My priorities are in place. And peace is present.
I read this devotional from "Jesus Calling" a few days ago and it has continued to resonate with me.
Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control of your life. If only you could check everything off your list, you could relax and be at peace. But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list. The harder you try, the more frustrated you become.
There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My Presence with you. This continual contact with Me will keep you in My Peace. Moreover, I will help you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now and what does not. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but on what is unseen (My Presence).
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
—Isaiah 26:3 nkjv
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
—2 Corinthians 4:18"